I Hate That
by GingerMarauderette
Summary: “Bullshit!” I say, hitting him. He slowly turns his head to look at me. I start to cry harder at the look of pain in his eyes. But I can tell the pain is not from the slap. LilyxJames. OneShot. T for language and to be safe.


AN: This doesn't really match the plots for my other Lily/James stories, but it was screaming to be written. One shot. I listened to Hurt by Christina Aguilera, Again by Natasha Bedingfield and Thinking of You by Katy Perry. I find they fit perfectly. Try listening to them while you read this. Enjoy.

Lily Evans, Seventh year.

I open the door to the common room and swing the door behind me, so it makes a nice loud slam. Everyone in the room is startled, and when they look up, they suddenly clear out. Why? Because they see I'm staring at James Potter. And they know that whenever I slam the door to the portrait hole and glare at James, there's going to be a big fight. They used to stay and watch, but after a second year got hit accidently by one of my hexes, they clear out. But we don't even hex James anymore. But I don't tell them that. I like the privacy. James however, turns a page of his magazine absent-mindedly.

I walk up to him, wand at the ready. "Hallie Winters, James?" I say, my wand shaking. I don't know why I'm seeing red because James Potter is with another girl.

James looks up from a Quidditch magazine. "Hallie Winters what, Lily?"

"Hallie is a slut! Why her?" My voice breaks.

"She's nice. She's smart and undyingly loyal." He flips another page of his magazine idly.

"You haven't dated anyone since you told me you loved me at the end of fifth year! Why the change?" _Why do I care?_ is what I should be asking myself.

He stands and starts walking. "Can't wait forever." He shrugs. I grab his arm, but I'm not sure what I want to do with it. So, instead I just start talking. More like rambling.

"I hate you, James Potter. I hate your nasty pick-up lines. I hate how you proclaim your love for me, even though you know you're too young to know love. I hate the fact that every boy in school is scared of what you'll do to them if they go near me. I hate that even though I am not dating you, I am 'Potter's Territory'. I hate that you're mean to the only real friend I've ever had, Severus Snape. I hate the fact that you think you're better than everyone else. I hate how you mess up his hair to make it look like you've just gotten off a broomstick. I hate your arrogance. I hate your friends. I hate your pranks. I hate how you have no regard for other people's feelings. I hate that you gets amazing grades and actually sleep through most of your classes. I hate how you walk." Tears roll down my cheeks. I know what I want to say, but my mouth says something different. And somehow I can't stop it.

"I hate the words that come out of your mouth. I hate the fact that your mouth has not kissed mine. I hate that, now that you're taken, you won't ever hit on me again. I hate that I'll never get to be 'Potter's Territory'. I hate that that girl is going to get your attention morning, noon and night when it used to be me. I hate that I didn't take my chance. I hate that only now I realize I love you so much it hurts."

"Lily, please." James groans, running his hands through his hair. "You're just making me feel worse."

"Whatever you see in her you can find in me." I sob. "I'm not ready to let go of you yet. You mean too much to me. I hate that I missed my chance."

"Lily, can't you see? I'm the one that's missed my chance! The one time Lily Evans actually wants me is when I'm taken. If I would have held on a little longer, you wouldn't be breaking my heart with each tear rolling out of your eyes." He takes a deep breath.

"Bullshit!" I say, hitting him. He slowly turns his head to look at me. I start to cry harder at the look of pain in his eyes. But I can tell the pain is not from the slap. "I am sick of this! You try those cheesy lines on me all the time! And I love you for it! I am sick of feeling something I don't want to feel! Why can't I go back to hating you?"

"Why can't I get you out of my head? Whenever I'm with her, I see your face! Do you not think this is hard for me too? Having to settle for second best?"

"It must suck, James! It must suck to have someone else around to help you forget! You know what else sucks? The fact that nothing hurts more than watch the one you love love someone else! It sucks to think that it could have been you loving me instead of that slut!"

"But Lily, I don't love her! At all." James sounds close to tears too. "But I thought it could never happen! I know it hurts to see the one you love love someone else! I told you that when you started dating Caleb Whitaker! But I thought it might hurt a little less if I had someone too!"

"Why is this so hard?" I say through my sobs. "Until five minutes ago, I hated you. But suddenly I love you. It's not supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to know love this young. I am a hypocrite."

"You're not a hypocrite, Lily." James says, hugging me. "Emotions mess you up. It's a fact. That's why I'm so messed up."

I let out a bitter laugh. "That's the kind of stuff I hate yet love to hear you say. I hate that I won't get to hear them anymore."

"I want to break up with Hallie for you, but I don't want to be the guy that breaks up with a girl so he can have another one."

"So wait awhile." I say

"What?"

"Break up with her, wait a month, then if you still think you want to be with me, be with me." I say as simply as I can.

"Sounds good. But I don't want to keep you waiting." James says.

"I kept you waiting almost five years." Another bitter laugh. "I deserve it."

"No, Lily. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who would never put you through this much hurt."

"You won't hurt me again." I say confidently.

"I promise." He says.

"Now for the wait. Goodbye James. See you in a month." I say, though my heart breaks at the sound of those words. His does too. But if we can make it a month, our relationship will make it forever.


End file.
